Thursday, May 31, 2007
it seems so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
I always thought it was cool when we were driving around places with my Dad that he just knew where he was. We go to California to visit grandparents and he's got it down. Anytime we're in Seattle he knows right where we are. I really don't think we've ever been lost with my Dad navigating.
I think back on it a little bit and I realize that he's lived in all these places.
He's still a wonder with directions, but it's interesting to think about how living somewhere changes that place for you. I will always know my way around Ellensburg. I now know my way around Seattle better than I ever thought that I would. I can still remember not knowing the roads in Spokane at all. They are laughably simple, but if you've never been somewhere you just don't know.
I think I will always adore Spokane. Spokane is not adorable. Not until you've lived there and been on the back roads. Not until you find a place to shoot your guns, or have coffee at 2 am, or buildings to sneak into, or cliffs to peer over and wonder.
I never really loved Seattle until I moved (near) here . I'm not sure I'm in love with it now, but there are some amazing places here. I appreciate it so much more. It's easy to write off a place when so many people talk about how amazing it is. I know I did that with Seattle. Maybe that's part of what I love so much about Spokane, no one is hyping it. You always have people that show you cool places in a city, but a lot of Spokane you kinda have to figure out for yourself. Or with that one other person, I suppose.
Gas works park in Seattle is incredible. Green Lake is gorgeous. I Love Ballard as well. Those are the places I will miss.
I'm excited to figure out Yakima.
It's easy to write off places because they don't have the things you're used to. Yakima does not have a Green Lake or a Gas works Park. They won't be there, and if I look for them I will be disappointed.
But I know I'm going to find some awesome places. I'm going to find a place to get coffee and sit in a comfy chair. I'm going to find some great roads to ride my bike on. There are going to be interesting people and lame people, just like anywhere else. I'm going to see things that make me wonder why I'm there, and I'm going to find places that make me so sure that I'm in the exact right place.
That's life, and I'm excited about it.
don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
I made it there with minimal issues. My seat decided it would rather get loose and point to the sky instead of being useful to sit on, but that was a quick fix. It turns out it's just under 7 miles to get there, which isn't bad on a bike, it's just an uphill battle. Coming home FLIES though.
this is the new year, and I have no resolution
I have gotten some amazing Instant Messages today. I will share them with you now, hoping that the people that sent them to me will either not read this or just not hate me for sharing.
This first one was a female human that owns a macbook.
ashhole410: today i put my computer on top of my car and then drove away
digitalbooyah: what happened??
ashhole410: a woman started honking
digitalbooyah: ha ha!
digitalbooyah: did you rescue it?
The next person wasn't so lucky.
cbeaks14: i just watched blood squirt out of an old ladies knee like a hose
I'm having a hard time really wrapping my mind around this one.
A HOSE? Sweet Lord.
I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots
Hmm. Tennis at 6. Last tennis in Redmond.
This is my last night in Bellevue.
Last last last.
I'll have to bike into the park and get a Jimmy John's on the way home.
That's all I've got.
while you debate half empty or half full
Monday, May 28, 2007
Laying in a big field of grass and reading is a delight. I read Philippians today and I found a few highlights.
In 1:15-18 'ish Paul talks a little about how some people claim Christ out of envy or rivalry. How some people are claiming Christ, but really saying, "Hey check me out." Or maybe just doing it out of competition. Like who can convert people the best? I dunno, but 18 is great.
18What does it matter? Just this, that Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motives or true; and in that I rejoice.
It doesn't matter! Ha ha, owned. You can't prevent him from receiving glory and proclaim his name at the same time, no one is good enough. That made me chuckle.
This verse stuck out most when I read back over it in the NRSV translation. I checked the NRSV out because Mars Hill officially changed to it for studying/preaching and I respect Driscoll's opinion and I think it's a great translation. It is supposedly more of a "word-for-word" translation. Whereas the NIV, which I've pretty much heard for all my church years, is a "thought-for-thought" translation.
Anyway, Phil 2:14-15
14 Do all things without murmuring and arguing, 15so that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, in which you shine like stars in the world.
This speaks volumes to me because I am such a (hopefully recovering?) grumbler. Complain, whine, etc. But I just love how this translation says it. Shine like stars in the world. I love the thought of beaming like a star. What an impression we can make. What a wonderful change for the world to have people in it that put other's before themselves. I want to be that way.
The last snippet that jumped at me was chapter 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. 6Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.
I love the attitude that is setup in 6 and 7. It's the perfect balance between being neurotic and slacking off completely. Don't worry, but pray constantly. Let the peace of Christ overwhelm you like a big hug. Be thankful! Don't absolutely try to unravel every little thing, but petition for what you know to be true and good.
8 and 9 discuss what seems obvious, but how often do we need this reminder? My mind wanders quite often into territory that are not these things. Lord help me to meditate on what is excellent instead.
I like that.
Back on the bike.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I found none so I promptly loaded some Shane and Shane songs into Winamp to begin a leisurely day of surfing the webz and eating sandwiches.
Shane and Shane have a new song called Embracing Accusations that they've been doing live, and will be on their next studio album. It's due out in August, so there isn't a good quality recording, but this video has been good enough to get a good listen in. It is a really excellent song.
Apparently Shane wrote it when he was feeling bombarded with the message that he just wasn't good enough. He was reading Galatians 3:10.
10 For all who rely on the works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the things written in the book of the law."
It is easy to be discouraged by this message. We are not good enough to do it alone. For most of the people I know that aren't Christians, this is the problem. Our works just can't cut it.
If you keep reading though...Galatians 3:13.
13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us--for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree"--
We don't have to be good enough! Hallelujah.
If you only get the first half of the message of Christianity,
the part where we can't do it ourselves,
the part that some people think is the ONLY part!
That part is depressing. That part is only half of the truth though. Don't get me wrong, it is an important part. A hard piece to the puzzle. But if I'd have only ever heard that part, I wouldn't want anything to do with God either.
C.S. Lewis wrote about (I think it was in the Screwtape Letters) how the devil is not a creator. He didn't make sin, or make murder, or invent gossip, or concoct a serum of lies. He's not good enough. He's not that clever.
What the devil does is take one of God's creations and twists them. He takes what is good and perverts it. The reason that this is so effective is because God built in our wants and desires for the GOOD things he creates. So when the devil takes a good thing and twists it, it appeals to our natural, and GOOD, desires.
The abuse that follows, naturally, is the problem.
What I find really interesting about this song (yes I am getting somewhere!) is that the devil is using the WORD against us! What an unlikely candidate for temptation. I am less surprised when the devil tempts me with sex or alcohol or delicious food. What a good little strategy he has come up with here. Highlight the pieces that tells us we aren't good enough, oh and skip the next couple verses, those make it clear that you don't have to be.
Well guess what, you forgot the best part buddy.
We are redeemed.
He is right. And that's just fine by me.
Here are the lyrics of the song:
Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
He’s right, halleluia, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I found myself trying to explain to my co-workers than once you install Vista and turn off all the stupid crap and "features" that no one likes, you're left with something that costs 400$ and isn't an upgrade from the previous release. Someone argued that it was a bit faster.
5 years, tons and tons of money, it's a bit faster.
Seriously though, I hate being surrounded by people at work that purposefully bring it up, but then don't really want to discuss anything.
I got called a "mac-user" at work yesterday. I told them I have no problem with that, and one of the blowhards was like "of course you don't".
I bought it.
Of course I don't.
What does that even mean? When I say that my laptop will do anything anyone else's will including run windows, no one has much to say.
Plus it's cute.
I will not miss sitting around the lunch table with most of the people I work with. There are always a few good ones though. To those I say good luck.
Sunny day in eburg++!
p.s. - That link was sent to me by Forrest Pangborn, thanks Forrest!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I of course promptly replied to the e-mail list in all caps: "THIS IS MADNESS!"
I hope everyone thinks it's as funny as I do, I don't suppose it matters if that isn't the case.
The rain snuck up on me again last night. I was downtown on my bike and it started to rain really hard. It was like a "be careful what you wish for" kind of moment. I enjoyed it for a few minutes, and found some shelter in a Starbucks. I was pretty soaked, but coffee in a big warm chair and a good book cured that pretty quickly.
say you wanna know the people I know, say you wanna come in and crack my code, uh huh
I had an "Americano" this morning. I was feeling a bit saucy when I went to get my bagel. I'm not quite sure why I got it, I thought it would be fun to try something new I suppose. I definitely prefer a normal cup of coffee though. Maybe it's the cream. I probably should have put some more in the Americano.
catch me if you think you can, count on me for nothin' man, uh huh
I'm leaving work early today to go play music at SALT in Ellensburg. I love music, and Ellensburg. I'm not a big fan of work.
That looks like...wait...yup. that's a Win-Win-Win. The most favorable option.
I have to be there at 4:30pm. So if I leave work at ... 2pm that should be sufficient.
Back to work!
I wanna read the Bible and I wanna make out
Monday, May 21, 2007
I think I didn't like it because at a very surface level, a very selfish level, how could rain ever be good? You're dry and comfortable, now you're wet and miserable. If it's cold, now you're colder. If you're trying to run and play, now you're sliding and some games (tennis comes to mind) are canceled. Frust. I hated it when tennis matches got canceled in high school.
But if you move past that selfishness it's a pretty incredible thing. The ground almost groans for the water sometimes. The sun beats down on this earth until things get dusty and everything cracks open. The rain is like when you're sitting by the pool and you stay out of the pool as long as absolutely possible, then you jump in and it feels so good. Who am I to tell the earth to stay out of the pool? Let's jump in. It's gonna feel great, once you're used to it anyway.
I was out in the rain last night, and it was brilliant. I rode my bike into downtown Bellevue after the sun went down and it was dark and rainy. Just not good biking weather. I told my room mate I was going for a ride and I got the areyoucrazy? look back. There was something so refreshing about it though. It was like a friendly reminder that It's just not going to be sunny everyday. I think that's a healthy attitude. Something that I've really lacked in my life that I'm trying to get better at. Just take those crappy days and love them. Just embrace what's going on and enjoy even the smallest piece of it. If you're lonely and out in the rain in the dark in the courtyard of a gigantic building and you're feeling tiny, you ARE tiny. Just enjoy it.
It's probably too simple to just "start enjoying" things that you really just don't enjoy, but I'm glad that the rain is something I'm learning to love.
If we never get rained on
if our muscles are never sore
if our minds aren't tired
if we could go on forever
if we need nothin' from nobody
if our hearts are never let down
then we aren't living.
We were designed to need. Need other's help, need God, need those connections. We were designed to live. I'm really good at avoiding those needs. You hear the therapists in movies talk about people "building up walls" not letting people in. I don't think the walls I build up keep people out, but I think I've built them in such a way that I control how people funnel through. They can come in when I want, and go as far as I want, and I don't let them out until I want, and then as soon as I want, they are moved out.
Sooner or later, you can't do it anymore though. I'm glad that the process can be gradual, and that we don't have to fix things instantly. Not that I'm capable of that.
I'm really happy knowing that I'm slowly growing in the right direction. I hope that I can be patient and keep that slow steady growth going. It's easy to get fed up with a lack of results.
I had the greatest feeling last night. Like I was actually starting to unplug a little bit and live my life. To go up and down and to need things I can't provide for myself.
That felt good.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Video games are pretty incredible. They can be so fun and overwhelming, and they just don't satisfy sometimes. Maybe it's the rocking chair I've been using as a desk chair, but I just can't stand to sit and play WoW for more than an hour lately.
Maybe I'm growing out of it...
Maybe It's the chair. :)
I've been reading Don Miller's book about his road trip. "Through painted Deserts" I think. I've been biking into bellevue and reading it at Jimmy John's or Starbucks while enjoying a sandwich or coffee, depending the location. It's a brilliant book, I had to choke back some tears in JJ's because of it today. I'm a little ridiculous, but it's well written nonetheless.
Hmm. I went dancing last night with a bunch of girls and a few guys. It was really fun.
I'm anxious. I'm...ansty. I'm bored. I've already gone on a bike ride, but maybe it's time for #2. Maybe I should just call someone and do something.
maybe I'll maybe the night away.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
I got everything out, wiped pretty much everything down, and vacuumed for EVER. I even bought a Swiffer and rocked my kitchen floor with it.
Yet, It just didn't feel sparkling. I think I'm just not good at cleaning. I feel ridiculous typing that, because it's obviously a cop out, but it's totally true. I just don't have a lot of practice at making things shine. I think there are probably a short list of tricks that if you do those certain things a place feels like ten times cleaner, when it's really just another 30 minutes of work.
That's what I tell myself anyway. I'm really just a spoiled 13 year old boy when it comes to cleaning.
Also, You can only scrub so much mold before a cleaning fee becomes worth paying. We will see though, we will see.
The Enkema's (the family that I'm currently intruding upon) are probably the nicest family I could have been lucky enough to fall into. They are so nice and hospitable every time I'm there. I absolutely appreciate the fact that they are letting me intrude.
Even after one night though, I'm dying for my own place. I guess it does make sense that it would be hard right away. It will be hard after three weeks too, but for different reasons. It's hard now because I'm not used to it. It will be hard later because I'm too used to it.
Does that make any sense...
Wow. After just lamenting (read: whining) about not having my own place, I got an email from my friend Tyler (who I am working for/with this summer) about an apartment opening up with my name on it! Now that is a blessing that I'm excited about, thankful for, and humbled by.
I like to think of myself as pretty independent. I've done a lot of living on my own and I absolutely love having my own space. My biggest qualm with this process of giving up the money that goes along with this (useless) job is that I would have a lot less control over my living situation. I wasn't really obsessing over it or anything, but it was definitely my hesitation. After deciding to just be obedient and let God sort it out, I'm blessed with my own place. How awesome is that? The awesomest, in my opinion. (p.s.- awesomest isn't a word)
Back to another fairly useless day at work. I ended up waking up on my own at around 8am today. I think the different environment was keeping me on my guard. I had been at work for about 20 minutes before my alarm to wake up went off at 9:05. I think it is the earliest I've ever gotten here. Which is ridiculous.
I'm feeling happy, blessed and very laid back right now. Hum-dee-dum. I am going to leave work early, get some stuff from Mark's and then go to e-burg for the night. What a sense of freedom. What a blessing to have a car and gas and parents that will always take me in.
I feel like I could probably beam a huge ray of blinding light right now.
Maybe I should go for a run and calm down.