Monday, April 23, 2007

the sweeping insensitivity, of this

I enjoy the new shane & shane "bluegrass sampler". If you haven't heard it, it's on iTunes and it's 2.99$. Not too bad.

I rode my bike about 8 miles'ish tonight. I accidentally knocked it over and did the step-on-it-realize-it-try-to-reduce-damage-by-collapsing-to-the-floor move though, so I think everything will probably be ok.

The shifting is a bit janky now though. I swear if I broke something already, that would probably be a new world record.

Paul Graham is a pretty smart computer guy. I admire his passion. I briefly discussed his essay about starting your own start-up with my Dad while he was here today. Now, I know for a fact that if I (tried starting) started a company my Dad would unquestioningly support me. Probably help me with the numbers too. Anyway, his (my father's) response was that you have to be obsessed and I'm just not that way.

Instantly I was miffed.


He's absolutely right, I haven't been obsessive about my "success" in life. I haven't really had to be though. Paul mentions in his essay that the way to see if you have the "drive" or the "obsession" to start one is that if someone tells you that you don't have it, you're instantly defensive .

While I don't have the killer drive, I know what it means to stay in a lab and work on a piece of code for "as long as it takes". I've stayed at work to work on code that wasn't even assigned to me. I don't think that piece of my brain is missing, is what I'm getting at, it's just that I've set my life up in such a way that I don't need to access it. At least not very often.

I am excited about this coming year, for a few reasons really, but mostly because of the dashing of that comfort zone I've established around myself. In my mind I have a romanticized vision of life that is a lot less comfortable than the one I have now. I feel like every time I take a step in that direction I get scared and run back to my "stuff" though. This summer I have gotten myself into a situation where that won't be as much of an option as usual (hopefully). A small apartment with: one computer, one guitar, a nice pillow, no internet, no t.v. , and good books, oh and a chubby schep. I hope that I am able to start living with less things and less comforts. I hope that I start to enjoy it for the right reasons. I know that it will be rewarding.

I stay up late, to put off tommorow coming.

It never works.

The essays that I mentioned previously:

Why to not not start a startup

(looking back, I guess he talks about the open-mindedness more than the "obsession", but I think those things can go hand in hand.)

Very interesting read(s), and the reasons why (my experience) working at MS just isn't what I want:

Microsoft is dead


anna said...

you are honest. and i love it.

anna said...

also, people should buy the bluegrass sampler to hear a cut of anna fevergeon announcing, "i am ready."